Ten Recommendations for Wise Parenting
By Dr. Adouda Adjiri, Ph.D.
- Your child is not your property but an independent being that came to life through you. The new born baby is a complete human being capable of understanding and learning even before speaking the adults’ language. When mother and father have made the choice of bringing this new being to life, they have automatically committed themselves to nurture it to independence.
- Each child has his or her own unique personality that must be respected. This leads to respect his or her safe-choices and not minimize or underestimate the child’s concern of any nature. A toy is so important to a child when at the same time it means nothing to an adult. Similarly, playing is an intengral part of a child’s life that must be understood and respected.
- Be patient, because without patience parenting cannot properly be acheived. Don’t allow your anger over the day’s events to spill over onto your child and never use physical punishment to correct your child. Time-out that is properly advised works well in most cases. If your child is challenging, learn how to handle his or her particular challenge. Encourage flexibility and do not impose military-like rules and routines.
- Listen to your child now otherwise he or she will not listen to you as a young adult. Listening is achieved with heart and ears and you must take that time to learn about your child’s dreams and fears. Encourage your child to speak up his or her thoughts and feelings. Listen with empathy, validate your child’s feelings and show understanding to his or her frustrations.
- Nourish your child with unconditional love without being overprotective. A warm hug and a game played together or a moment spent together is more precious than any expensive toy you might offer. Every child asks to be loved, understood and respected and when these needs are fulfilled, no room is left for disobedience or future rebellion.
- Never discriminate among your children. Whether a boy or a girl, a first born or a middle born or last born, you must treat them all equally and love them all equally and give each one of them eqal time and attention. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep, that would teach your children to lie. Teach them moral values and prepare them to face those who do not respect moral values.
- Children are naturally curious, so encourage your child’s curiosity and let him and her ask questions. You are not required to answer each of their questions but teach them to look for answers themselves; you’ll be amazed how much you can learn from them.
- Children like to feel important and needed, so help them fulfill this need. Give your children opportunities to do something in the kitchen or around the house and stand near for supervision and direction without constantly correcting or giving orders. Let them make mistakes and let them learn from their mistakes.
- Use positive and genuine experssions to praise your child’s achievements. Avoid everything that is negative, comments, remarks or familiar expressions that can damage your child’s self-esteem and weaken his or her confidence. Though you cannot sheild your child from hearing invalidating comments, you can make sure that they won’t affect him or her. In case of failure, give accurate feedback with lots of encouragement to help your child continue learning.
- Avoid using or abusing your children indirectly and decide with them but not for them. Do not influence your child to achieve what you couldn’t achieve in your life. Similarly, do not push your childn in the family’s business when he or she has different dreams and different talents.
Adouda ADJIRI, Ph. D.
Recommended Reading by the article’s author –
- Sears, Willian & Sears, Martha with Holt, H. Linda. The Pregnancy Book. Little, Brown and Company, 1997.
- Sears, William & Sears, Martha. The Birth Book. Little, Brown and Company, 1994.
- Sears, William & Sears, Martha. The Baby Book. Little, Brown and Company, 1993.
- Gray, John. Children are from Heaven. Harper Collins Publishers, 1999.
- Dodson, Fitzhugh. How to Parent. Nash Publishing, Los Angeles, 1970.
- Popkin, Michael. Active Parenting. Harper & Row, Publishers, San Francisco, 1987.
- Albert, Linda & Popkin, Michael. Quality Parenting. Random House, New York, 1987.
- Shiff, Eileen. Experts Advise Parents. Delacorte Press/New York, 1987.
- Greenspan, I. Stanley with Salmon, Jacqueline. The Challenging Child. Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, 1995.
- Britton, Lesley. Montessori Play & Learn: A Parent’s Guide to Purposeful Play from Two to Six. Crown Publishers, Inc., New York, 1992.